Diplomacy and plain text.

[mandolin]

You know what I hate about the Net?

The tendency to misread intent when the conversation is reduced to plain text.

Without body language, facial expression, and the sound of someone's voice to read the intent and emotion behind your words, someone has to interpret the words alone, ascribing their own tone and emotion to what you had to say. Sometimes, they get it wrong. And nine times out of ten, it's always more negative than what you intended.

When I'm posting on a forum or chatting - usually when I'm arguing a point - I do my darndest to bite back on the snark, the sarcasm, and any humorous comments that might be taken as name-calling and rudeness. It's just amazing what some people will read between the lines if you forget the :) after your words.

But sometimes, I forget to always censor myself. An individual who was posting constantly to a hint board for help with a game (a board where you can't post spoilers or they'll be deleted), after being told to buy a ride, posted again without really paying attention to that part of the hint. (There's only one ride you can buy - a horse for sale.)

So I replied:

Wow. 34 bronze coins and nothing to buy them with?

Not in this game. Silverfox just TOLD YOU what to get. If you don't have enough, you missed a coin or two.

-Mandi "I've been through the desert on a horse with no name..."

I forgot to censor myself, forgot the smiley face, forgot to tiptoe around this person.

He launched a short tirade at me, demanding to know why I was so rude.

My reply:

I'm sorry I came off that way; I was only trying to hint it along without giving the answer away and having my post deleted. I forget that when everything's reduced to text, anything said as a joke is automatically taken as an insult.

*sigh* Nature of the Net, I suppose. Can't say anything silly for fear it'll be taken the wrong way.

Sorry for offending you. I'll make a point not to say ANYTHING tongue-in-cheek around you anymore. (No, seriously. If you are the type to read nothing but nastiness into plain text, I don't want to give you the wrong idea.)

Hope you beat the game. If you still want help, please ask, but I won't reply to your posts unless you want me to anymore.

Again, I'm sorry. It's depressing to be reminded of how much can be misunderstood when it all comes down to plain text. :(

His reaction was way out of proportion, but at the core he had a point. How was he supposed to know I was being tongue-in-cheek? I've been chatting with people I know so often lately that I've been forgetting to tiptoe.

Well, he accepted the apology very nicely, so I didn't put my foot in it that time.

It just bothers me that when people can't tell if someone is kidding or not, their first and automatic reaction is to read malice and insult into the text - myself included. Nastiness is the default interpretation.

We're all such insecure people sometimes.

Comments

[marielogan.livejournal.com]

You know, I recall meshuggenah writing something of this nature on the-geek forum once. When I responded that I could not agree with her more, it was because I was feeling the same way, and, just as you are right now.

Internet communications with strangers whom we do not know from a physically interactive experience, really is exacting, to quote meshuggenah. In fact, I think I read a post by someone in the fanfic section a few months ago(sorry I don't remember who you are), that blogging is really an art form. I agree with that, and somehow sort of feel that internet communications with strangers are somewhat of the same.

It takes one hell of a writing ability to make people understand what we mean when we communicate with them over the internet on a PERSONAL level. And you are so likely right, that this is why the emoticons and smilies were invented.

AAAAHHHH - and I hope that you don't take anything I have written herein in the wrong way. Coz truly, I mean it in the best sense. ;-)

[marielogan.livejournal.com]

And, see what I mean... I spelled her name wrong :(

meshuggeneh, sorry Erika. Me, scatterbrained.

[meshuggeneh.livejournal.com]

No sweat. It's not like it's English.

Are you referring to Liizike the Muse[ by chance?

[marielogan.livejournal.com]

That was the instance. I loved what you wrote! It hit home with me, just as what Mandi has written here. D

Maybe I know you too well

[altrn8realities.livejournal.com]

I would have never picked up negativity from that, but you're right, we do have to be careful what we post. I know that I have snarkiness that ranks pretty close to my bitchiness so I try to remember :) when I'm saying something that might be misconstrued.

But, of course, we can't always remember to do that.

Sorry that guy bit your head off. :(