"Mandi's playing a divine being. Oh, GOD."

[mandolin]

Okay. I finally have time to breathe. So, here comes the post I wanted to make WAY back on Monday.

Saturday night, I went and sat in on a D&D campaign at a friend's place, along with jennies, who was actually playing. I didn't play a character; I've never done roleplaying before, the main reason being that I know I'd let it suck away all my free time. With these guys, it's entertaining just to watch, and I got a lot of good quotes from the two nights I went. I'd be tempted to play a side character if the DM needed it, since it was amusing enough just to be an observer.

(Anyway, the details that matter:)
J = War (jennies), playing a Chaotic Evil cleric (this is relevant
DM = Vengeance, the suffering DM
D = Pestilence, playing a Lawful Good paladin
K = the one other player (Chaotic Evil again) who I got quotes from
M = Me, eating cookies, observing and offering running commentary


Undergoing the process of picking a character...

J: "I like being Chaotic Evil. I like being able to do whatever the hell I want!"

DM: "You'll automatically get Chaotic."
J: "That's a language?"

(on the restriction that even evil clerics can't have piercing weapons - but being an Elf gives J bow proficiency)
J: "Bows aren't pointy!"
DM: "The arrows can be!"
J: "They can be blunt. You stick a bag of gunpowder on the end of the arrow, cast a fire spell on it - it's still blunt!"
DM: "Oh, God, another one."

J: "I'll pick a morningstar. I can tie it to the quarterstaff and have a really big morningstar!"

(reading off characteristics)
DM: "16, 17, 17, 15, 17?"
M: "Bingo!"

(displaying the map)
DM: "The map is not a territory. The territory burns. You will get in trouble for burning the map."
(K and J grin)
D: "You're going to need to erase a LOT of stuff on that map."

DM: "You're going to have to visit your church periodically."
J: "Okay." (writing) "Must visit church every time they rebuild it."
K: "We're going to get along fine."

DM: "There's a thing in there for your holy symbol - don't worry about that yet."
J: "Skull and crossbones?"

K: (intoning) "'You cannot tip the scales of the balance!' ...okay, I'm the druid now."

DM: "You're not allowed to cast any spells that cause black holes."
J: "I can do other things."
DM: "That's what I'm afraid of."

From an actual campaign...

J (holding up a hard Snickerdoodle): "I've found my blunt arrow!"
K: "They'll never see it coming."

(The question of what I'm supposed to be comes up since I'm not really playing, just commenting.)
K (pointing at J): "You could play her god."
DM: "Mandi's playing a divine being. Oh, God."

D: "That's the point of crop circles, it's the aliens marking where the Wal-Mart is supposed to be."

DM: "First off, no one fixes the crack of dawn."
(blank stares)
DM: "You know... 'Dawn breaks.' 'I fixed it!' 'Shut up.'"

K: "The receipt of Ra? Too bad your god is Set."

K: "Screw it, let's just do Molotov cocktails and be done with it."

DM: "We have 32 orcs."
M: "Actually, that's 31 orcs and one rapidly burning Orc."

D: "Well, the rain and the fog will eventually smite the grass fire, good."
K: "You realize you're the only one who cares about that."
D: "I'm playing Lawful Good, I have to give a damn about it!"

J: "We could just have a 'Smite' button for you."

(after one of J's four high-level minions attacks)
DM: "That orc is now lopped in half."
J: "I like my minion."

(on whether or not the minions J got from her deity are defective)
M: "I don't give exchanges or refunds on minions."
J: "Then can I have half off on one?"
M: "What, half a sacrifice? You want half the corpse back? I can drop it on an orc for you."

K: "Okay - Orc-kabobs."
J: "Orc-kabobs. Wonder if there's a market for shrunken orc heads."

(I take issue with DM for using "basketweaver" in his curses - e.g. "Son of a basketweaver!" I'm kidding, but...)
J: "Note to self: Do not disparage basketweavers in deity's presence."
K: "Basketweavers rock."
J: "Maybe I should take it up as a proficiency."
M: "Oh, shut up."
J: "Yes, God."

J: "Well you know these special-ed minions. Shooting them's like shooting a tiger. A tiger that tends to chase its own tail."

DM: "Minion 1 is approaching group five. Minion 2's a-groping --"
(laughter)
J: "Bad minion!"

(After the 5-person party kills an army of 36 orcs in 6 rounds)
DM: "You fuckers suck."


That's all for now...

Comments

[athersgeo.livejournal.com]

*falls off seat laughing* Those are hysterical!

[neonhummingbird.livejournal.com]

Oh, god, I remember gaming! < laughing hysterically > I particularly adore the concept of Mandi = God. Thanks so much for sharing!!!

[kevenn.livejournal.com]

Those are great! Makes me wish I had people that fun when I was role playing back in the day. :)

[ecogryff.livejournal.com]

::convulsing with laughter (in her office):: those are even better than the quotes from my old group. much better. though there was that time where i had to convince the new character (a female troll) to take a bath. i think it took me half an hour, and i never once had to roll. she came out of the conversation with a great love for bathing...and eating soap. : )

[violetbloom.livejournal.com]

He he he he. I can't wait until you post the quotes from Saturday. I know there were some good ones in there too!

[weirdweb.livejournal.com]

I'm going to have to go through all the tapes first, but I definitely plan to post them. :)