mandolin | A bit of a fanfic rant.

Warning: You are about to read yet another fanfic author about to go OFF on why readers are driving her a bit crazy.

I am going to start off by saying that in some ways, I've been asking for this by posting in-progress stories, by not waiting til they're completely done to start posting them. (The problem is, the latter approach has killed some really good stories.) But it's still driving me nuts, and I have to say something.

Oh, I haven't been flamed or anything.

janedavitt has encountered morons who, when she's criticized her stuff, give her fanfic flames so idiotic they only incite laughter and MORE good reviews.

bktheirregular has folks clamoring for a sequel to a fanfic that took him two years to plot out and write and that he doesn't intend on writing a sequel to until he has time, inspiration, and the plot worked out.

So what do I get?

Reviews that demand more. NOW.

Now I'm not talking about readers who write, "This is great, please continue it when you get a chance!" I've been driven nuts by the writer's block that strikes some of my favorite fic authors, but I know it must be hard on them too. I have a lot of readers like that. I appreciate their reviews. I understand they're frustrated, but they get that I'm frustrated too.

The ones that get me are the ones who write me demanding that I "finish it already" because they can't stand waiting. The ones who write me solely to scold me. Like I'm doing this on purpose, to spite them, and it's not finished because I'm a selfish person who's trying to make them squirm. As if finishing a story that you've hit a serious roadblock in is nothing at all.

So to those people, I would like to say: Hi. I'm Reality. Have we met?

Yes, I know you're going nuts to see the next part, yes, I KNOW you've been checking for days or weeks and have been disappointed not to see more... but did it ever occur to you that I'm going nuts too? For the same reason? But even more so?

Picture this. Your creativity demons throw out a great fic idea, and they actually start moving at lightning speed. You get more than halfway through, it's going great, and then...

Real Life crashes down on your head. Work is busy. There's no time to write. And by the time you shove the debris away, reorganize your new place, get your assignments done by a deadline, and finally organize things so you have some writing time -

- the demons won't lift a finger to inspire you.

It takes hours to write one little scene that you end up deleting anyway because it's actually very bad. You find yourself sitting in front of a blank screen or a blank page, unable to get any words out. Whatever talent, whatever inspiration fed your great unfinished work, has gone bye-bye. The only ideas the creativity demons attack with any kind of energy are Mary Sues that you refuse to inflict on the unsuspecting public.

And this whole time, your masterpiece is sitting there, unfinished, hanging over your head and mocking you because any and all attempts to add to it fall flat. You're frustrated with yourself, tired, stressed, uninspired, at the point where you just want to chuck what you've written.

Does this sound "easy"? Does it sound like I'm trying to spite my readers? Does it sound like I know when I'm going to get something done in my spare time? Does this sound anything but frustrating on my end?

No.

I'm tired of giving the same speech to people over and over again, tired of trying to explain that Real Life, a lack of inspiration, work, my health (asthma attack, hand pain), and my personal life all have to come before my fanfic writing. I'm tired of trying to explain to people that I am frustrated by this too. Maybe even MORE so.

So here's the bottom line.

In the next 2 weeks, I'm going to try to hack through as much of my TGS assignment as I can (which probably isn't going to be much) before I go to G2003. Once the fate of that is decided, the following things will happen to the following fics:

"The Key and the Sword" - I'm yanking it back for rewrites. It needs to be simplified, pared down, made less epic. It wasn't supposed to get as long as it actually became. I hate to trim down some of the good chase scenes, but some of that will have to go. I'm keeping the Compass, and the quest to get the missing piece. I'm keeping the Dawn/Adam stuff. I don't like the main... "antagonists," they're too vague and if I try to explain them too much, it'll just get messy. I don't like certain action scenes. (I can write chase scenes, but I hate battle scenes.) I don't like how Buffy's taking up too much of the story - I almost might delay her arrival a bit more, but then that ruins several bits that I really like. Bottom line: I'm pulling it back and rewriting it. End of story.

"Sharp Edges" - Part 18, believe it or not, has been finished and betaed. However, until I have a finished draft of 19, I am not posting part 18 anywhere. Not only do I need to determine Wilson's fate - since he's actually going to be useful - I have to outline things to avoid resorting to a deus ex machina. Rhiannon is also boring the hell out of me. And most importantly, Part 18 ends on a cliffhanger that, if it isn't followed up by 19 shortly afterward, will have readers trying to KILL me over.

When either of these will be finished: I don't know. Stop asking. I am not psychic.

End rant. I'm going to bed.