Even I have my breaking point.
Oct. 21st, 2003 07:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mandolinI have had it up to here with my neighbor. (Let's call her "Bridget" to protect the innocent.) Maybe I should friends-lock this, but she's never going to read it and I am beyond caring.
I have had it up to here with myself for being such a stupid softie and letting myself get walked all over again.
Let me explain why I currently want to kill something.
Bridget lives in my building. She's a retired hairdresser on disability with no car and a lot of prescriptions. She cuts my hair for free - well, she normally charges $10, but she owes me two haircuts. She's a nice person, but when it comes to ordering her life she makes ME look like the queen of organization. See, some of Bridget's meds can't be refilled; she needs written prescriptions. Her mother gets the prescriptions, fills them and usually leaves them at her aunt's for Bridget to get. Now since Bridget has no concept of planning ahead of time, she usually needs to go get them from her aunt's THE DAY THAT SHE RUNS OUT.
So, at the last freaking second, when I get home, she goes, "Mandi, can you drive me to my aunt's to get my pills?" First couple of times, I agreed, much to my chagrin. Her aunt lives almost all the way back near my work, and to get there we have to take some of the worst paved streets in Baltimore - and taking the Beltway is usually out because she usually springs this on me in the middle of rush hour. I yelled at her about this the last time, saying she had to give notice and that she had to stop doing stuff like this at the last minute; she might run out and have NO ONE to give her a ride and wind up in the hospital. Not to mention that it's really inconsiderate to spring this on me at the last second and make me have to drop all my plans so I spend an hour or more driving her ass to get the pills she should have gotten earlier.
Oh, and she's been bugging me to take her to the Y so she can use her membership and use a guest pass on me. Now that's not quite so bad, but I found out that the county bus system - which has a stop right in front of our place - runs down there. Oy.
Now I *thought* I got my point across that doing this last-minute was incredibly inconsiderate and not fair to either of us. I even gave her my work number, telling her if she had such an emergency mid-day to call me at work, so I could arrange things to flex out prior to rush hour, get her pills and get back (and outside of rush hour, the entire trip would take a max of 40 minutes). Even that, I think, is unfair to me, but it's better than having it dumped on me at the last second during the worst driving time of the day. My co-workers agree that I'm being used, and the lack of notice is PISSING ME OFF. Geez, I give rides to another neighbor, but she gives me notice, and it's usually to places that we're BOTH going.
I got home today at 5, exhausted, tired, and ravenous. I figured I'd have the time to make dinner. So then the phone rang.
"Mandi, can you drive me to my aunt's now?"
She didn't call me at work because she LOST THE GODDAMN NUMBER. I was livid. I threw things (although I didn't let her know that). When I asked her why she called me at the last second, she said, "Well, you're the last person I call because I know you don't like taking me."
"Bridget, that's because you save me til the last second and spring it on me only when it's an immediate emergency!"
Pause. "Oh."
Now I could hear her breathing over the phone. She was having an asthma attack. I know what that sounds like. She wouldn't call 911, and she wouldn't go to the hospital. Her aunt was home but couldn't bring her the pills because her uncle took the car out. First off, I yelled at her. Yelled at her for putting things off, for not trying to plan things in advance, for taking advantage of me, and for putting her own health in danger - she sounded pretty bad. The only reason I didn't tell her where to stick it was because she sounded so bad.
On top of that, she needed to borrow $15 for her diabetes medication. She said she'd pay me back tomorrow. I'm never going to see it. So I drove her there, on an empty stomach in the middle of rush hour, got the meds, and made a detour to Subway because I was starved and wasn't going to want to cook dinner now. Took over a freaking hour.
I told her flat out that this was the LAST time I was doing this. I told her to call her mother and work out a better damn system than this. I made her write down my work number by the phone in case she had an actual emergency. She offered to cut my hair when we got back (the original plan) but she was still sick and I was too pissed off. I wanted to get away from her.
Man, I should have told her no today. She's just gonna keep doing this to me, ranting or no ranting. And from now on I'm telling her, "No." I told her as much, and told her I wouldn't do this again because it was the only way to get her to work out a better system. If this alienates her, I do not care. I have had it. I try to be nice, I try to keep the friends I have, but she's not worth it. Her attitude rubs me the wrong way, she has no consideration for anyone's time but her own, she can't manage money, and she won't even take care of herself. You know what she did when we got home? She went for a cigarette. Even after I yelled at her. Right after a breathing attack. I know it's addictive, but damn, go chew on something! You just started breathing again!
I mean, really: is this selfish? I know she's got it hard, but I am sick and tired of being taken advantage of - especially when she turns around and won't take care of herself. I'm not a chauffeur! Doing favors for a friend in need is one thing, but this is enough.
AARGH!!
I have had it up to here with myself for being such a stupid softie and letting myself get walked all over again.
Let me explain why I currently want to kill something.
Bridget lives in my building. She's a retired hairdresser on disability with no car and a lot of prescriptions. She cuts my hair for free - well, she normally charges $10, but she owes me two haircuts. She's a nice person, but when it comes to ordering her life she makes ME look like the queen of organization. See, some of Bridget's meds can't be refilled; she needs written prescriptions. Her mother gets the prescriptions, fills them and usually leaves them at her aunt's for Bridget to get. Now since Bridget has no concept of planning ahead of time, she usually needs to go get them from her aunt's THE DAY THAT SHE RUNS OUT.
So, at the last freaking second, when I get home, she goes, "Mandi, can you drive me to my aunt's to get my pills?" First couple of times, I agreed, much to my chagrin. Her aunt lives almost all the way back near my work, and to get there we have to take some of the worst paved streets in Baltimore - and taking the Beltway is usually out because she usually springs this on me in the middle of rush hour. I yelled at her about this the last time, saying she had to give notice and that she had to stop doing stuff like this at the last minute; she might run out and have NO ONE to give her a ride and wind up in the hospital. Not to mention that it's really inconsiderate to spring this on me at the last second and make me have to drop all my plans so I spend an hour or more driving her ass to get the pills she should have gotten earlier.
Oh, and she's been bugging me to take her to the Y so she can use her membership and use a guest pass on me. Now that's not quite so bad, but I found out that the county bus system - which has a stop right in front of our place - runs down there. Oy.
Now I *thought* I got my point across that doing this last-minute was incredibly inconsiderate and not fair to either of us. I even gave her my work number, telling her if she had such an emergency mid-day to call me at work, so I could arrange things to flex out prior to rush hour, get her pills and get back (and outside of rush hour, the entire trip would take a max of 40 minutes). Even that, I think, is unfair to me, but it's better than having it dumped on me at the last second during the worst driving time of the day. My co-workers agree that I'm being used, and the lack of notice is PISSING ME OFF. Geez, I give rides to another neighbor, but she gives me notice, and it's usually to places that we're BOTH going.
I got home today at 5, exhausted, tired, and ravenous. I figured I'd have the time to make dinner. So then the phone rang.
"Mandi, can you drive me to my aunt's now?"
She didn't call me at work because she LOST THE GODDAMN NUMBER. I was livid. I threw things (although I didn't let her know that). When I asked her why she called me at the last second, she said, "Well, you're the last person I call because I know you don't like taking me."
"Bridget, that's because you save me til the last second and spring it on me only when it's an immediate emergency!"
Pause. "Oh."
Now I could hear her breathing over the phone. She was having an asthma attack. I know what that sounds like. She wouldn't call 911, and she wouldn't go to the hospital. Her aunt was home but couldn't bring her the pills because her uncle took the car out. First off, I yelled at her. Yelled at her for putting things off, for not trying to plan things in advance, for taking advantage of me, and for putting her own health in danger - she sounded pretty bad. The only reason I didn't tell her where to stick it was because she sounded so bad.
On top of that, she needed to borrow $15 for her diabetes medication. She said she'd pay me back tomorrow. I'm never going to see it. So I drove her there, on an empty stomach in the middle of rush hour, got the meds, and made a detour to Subway because I was starved and wasn't going to want to cook dinner now. Took over a freaking hour.
I told her flat out that this was the LAST time I was doing this. I told her to call her mother and work out a better damn system than this. I made her write down my work number by the phone in case she had an actual emergency. She offered to cut my hair when we got back (the original plan) but she was still sick and I was too pissed off. I wanted to get away from her.
Man, I should have told her no today. She's just gonna keep doing this to me, ranting or no ranting. And from now on I'm telling her, "No." I told her as much, and told her I wouldn't do this again because it was the only way to get her to work out a better system. If this alienates her, I do not care. I have had it. I try to be nice, I try to keep the friends I have, but she's not worth it. Her attitude rubs me the wrong way, she has no consideration for anyone's time but her own, she can't manage money, and she won't even take care of herself. You know what she did when we got home? She went for a cigarette. Even after I yelled at her. Right after a breathing attack. I know it's addictive, but damn, go chew on something! You just started breathing again!
I mean, really: is this selfish? I know she's got it hard, but I am sick and tired of being taken advantage of - especially when she turns around and won't take care of herself. I'm not a chauffeur! Doing favors for a friend in need is one thing, but this is enough.
AARGH!!
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no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 04:34 pm (UTC)You did absolutely the right thing.
*hugs you*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 05:35 pm (UTC)Your friend definitely seems to be in need of the kindness and support you offer, unfortunately it appears she is a bit pathetic, somehow out of touch with reality, or at least your reality.
I really don't think you are one bit selfish for letting her know this. Everyone needs a wake up call now and again, and if it means saving your friendship or ability to help her again in future, you just gave her what she needs to hear; you yelled at her. Also, you gave her your phone number in case of an emergency *you softie*.
*hug*
Date: 2003-10-21 09:07 pm (UTC)You've been way more than generous, and this woman has really abused that generosity. Somehow, someway, she's going to get herself killed like this.
You've done what you can for her, and eventually she's going to have to learn how to take care of herself, at least a little. I think if you allow her to use you like this anymore, then you're doing yourself and her a big disservice.
The free haircuts are in no way worth it.
BTW, does this woman have a mental disorder, because it almost sounds like it.
She's got to get something worked out, because there may be a time when you *can't* help her and if she can't/won't call 911...
*HUG*
You've been more than a good friend to her and I hate to see your good natured get mistreated like this.
I proclaim today the day that we all hug and laud and adore Mandi, for she is awesome and has achieved BURNINATION!
- Meg
*Hugs*
Date: 2003-10-22 05:51 am (UTC)Be strong when she asks you again. She will be forced to call her mother and/or her aunt to get the medication. . . and maybe once she aggravates them enough, they'll beat some sense into her.
{{Hugs}}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-22 06:13 am (UTC)Poor Mandi
Date: 2003-10-22 06:14 am (UTC)Lara
Re: Poor Mandi
From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2003-10-22 08:09 am (UTC) - Expandno subject
Date: 2003-10-22 08:24 am (UTC)When I get to the point where someone is really taking advantage of me (like Bridget *is* of you) I just kind of make myself unavailable. Kind of a passive "no".
I could be wrong (I don't know your schedule) but it seems that she knows you are coming home straight from work and will be "available" for her errands. If this is true, take a look at her prescriptions - see how long it will be before they run out. Then around that time, just don't be at home. Pick those days to have something else to do. Even sitting in a library reading/writing is better than that round trip you are taking to get _her_ medicine. Not to mention the stress she is putting you under...
Although it would suck to change your schedule, after awhile, she will not be able to count on *you* being the one at her beck and call. She may even start planning ahead because she will know that if she runs out, there might be a delay before she gets what she needs.
It may sound petty to others, but it works for me. I don't mind helping people. I'm usually a generous person, but you have to help me help you - I won't do it all on my end.
- Marsha