IMPORTANT! Please read!
Feb. 20th, 2002 07:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mandolinOkay, I have half an hour until the mind-numbing training class from hell, I'm actually awake, so here we go. This is an actual IMPORTANT message, and my site visitors should definitely stop and read it.
Monday night, I was going back through Google Groups (AKA the free newsreader formerly known as DejaNews) looking at archives of Usenet from the fall of '96 and early '97, when I first got on the Internet for real. (My earlier dalliance with AOL doesn't count.) Re-reading my posts, I noticed how often I posted, how insightful my posts seemed, and mainly, how excited I was about the show/fandom I was discussing. I was really having fun. Now, however... I don't know. Whereas I used to update my web site constantly, speculate on forums galore, and devour and write fanfic with lightning speed, I seem to have slowed down. I mean, really - I created this webjournal for the express purpose of making up for the fact that I'm only able to update my site monthly.
Seriously, though... I'm not having fun any more.
I realized that last night when I was uploading the latest part of "Sharp Edges" (yeah, yeah, it's right here) and realized that I wasn't really enjoying the story much. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that this is the most aimless fanfic I've ever written and I've started to think that the pacing could go a LOT faster, but seriously - maybe I need to get out of fandom. Maybe I need to take off the fanfic writer's hat and put it away. Yep, you heard me; I'm seriously considering gafiating.*
But I first decided to bounce this off some friends to get a better idea of whether or not I should bail on fandom for a while. When I announced to my friends on IM that I was considering giving up fanfic, I got a chorus of "NO!" So when I told my roommate, she replied, "If you want to, you should."
Here's the kicker: I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure that fanfic - or fandom in general - is my problem. My lack of a (Real) Life has been more and more apparent in recent months, but part of that's because I'm living in a neighborhood where I really don't know a lot of people and can't seem to meet anyone. I mean, it was easier in college - you wanted to talk to someone, all you had to do was wander down the hall and look for someone who felt like procrastinating. It's not quite the same where I'm living now.
I seem to have lost my niche. I used to post regularly to a certain board or two, enough so that I was part of the community. I haven't done that any more. I post on boards that I've been frequenting for years and still get mistaken as a newbie.
While I don't want to bail from fandom entirely, I can't just focus all my energies on one thing. I've done that - when "Now and Again" aired. Man, I haven't been so hooked on a show since the first season of Lois and Clark, and that show had three seasons to go downhill and make me lose interest. I was still high on N&A when CBS yanked it from the airwaves. I was devastated. I ruined my whole summer campaigning for that show with no results. I refuse to get as hooked on a show or anything like that again. It's not worth it.
But at the same time, I can't delve into too many interests. I mean, really, with all the shows I write fanfic for, it's amazing my head hasn't exploded yet. And some fanfic genres are already dead and gone: I haven't written a good Gargoyles fic since 1998. I'm really considering dropping PR fanfic - I liked Lost Galaxy, Time Force was okay, but Wild Force just made me twitch uncontrollably. I think it's time to put PR fanfic away. And honestly, I haven't watched Stargate since "Wormhole X-Treme" aired (and my mom taped over it). I need to narrow my interests or I'm just going to lose it.
I need to do something. Drop something. I know I can't totally bail; "Sharp Edges" has got to be finished. I've got a commitment to TGS that I can't ignore. And I'm going to the Gathering 2002 (assuming they've received my PAYMENT *grr*) in June anyway.
While I never get comments, I know people see this webjournal. So if you're a visitor to my site, and come across this, COMMENT ALREADY. It's important. If you e-mail me about anything else site-related, I will simply redirect you to this entry. I really, really need the input.
*sigh* Must go to training now. Bleah.
* gafiate: Stands for Getting Away From It All. It means to leave fandom acitivies for a while to concentrate on real life. (Source: Writers University. See, it is a word!)
Monday night, I was going back through Google Groups (AKA the free newsreader formerly known as DejaNews) looking at archives of Usenet from the fall of '96 and early '97, when I first got on the Internet for real. (My earlier dalliance with AOL doesn't count.) Re-reading my posts, I noticed how often I posted, how insightful my posts seemed, and mainly, how excited I was about the show/fandom I was discussing. I was really having fun. Now, however... I don't know. Whereas I used to update my web site constantly, speculate on forums galore, and devour and write fanfic with lightning speed, I seem to have slowed down. I mean, really - I created this webjournal for the express purpose of making up for the fact that I'm only able to update my site monthly.
Seriously, though... I'm not having fun any more.
I realized that last night when I was uploading the latest part of "Sharp Edges" (yeah, yeah, it's right here) and realized that I wasn't really enjoying the story much. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that this is the most aimless fanfic I've ever written and I've started to think that the pacing could go a LOT faster, but seriously - maybe I need to get out of fandom. Maybe I need to take off the fanfic writer's hat and put it away. Yep, you heard me; I'm seriously considering gafiating.*
But I first decided to bounce this off some friends to get a better idea of whether or not I should bail on fandom for a while. When I announced to my friends on IM that I was considering giving up fanfic, I got a chorus of "NO!" So when I told my roommate, she replied, "If you want to, you should."
Here's the kicker: I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure that fanfic - or fandom in general - is my problem. My lack of a (Real) Life has been more and more apparent in recent months, but part of that's because I'm living in a neighborhood where I really don't know a lot of people and can't seem to meet anyone. I mean, it was easier in college - you wanted to talk to someone, all you had to do was wander down the hall and look for someone who felt like procrastinating. It's not quite the same where I'm living now.
I seem to have lost my niche. I used to post regularly to a certain board or two, enough so that I was part of the community. I haven't done that any more. I post on boards that I've been frequenting for years and still get mistaken as a newbie.
While I don't want to bail from fandom entirely, I can't just focus all my energies on one thing. I've done that - when "Now and Again" aired. Man, I haven't been so hooked on a show since the first season of Lois and Clark, and that show had three seasons to go downhill and make me lose interest. I was still high on N&A when CBS yanked it from the airwaves. I was devastated. I ruined my whole summer campaigning for that show with no results. I refuse to get as hooked on a show or anything like that again. It's not worth it.
But at the same time, I can't delve into too many interests. I mean, really, with all the shows I write fanfic for, it's amazing my head hasn't exploded yet. And some fanfic genres are already dead and gone: I haven't written a good Gargoyles fic since 1998. I'm really considering dropping PR fanfic - I liked Lost Galaxy, Time Force was okay, but Wild Force just made me twitch uncontrollably. I think it's time to put PR fanfic away. And honestly, I haven't watched Stargate since "Wormhole X-Treme" aired (and my mom taped over it). I need to narrow my interests or I'm just going to lose it.
I need to do something. Drop something. I know I can't totally bail; "Sharp Edges" has got to be finished. I've got a commitment to TGS that I can't ignore. And I'm going to the Gathering 2002 (assuming they've received my PAYMENT *grr*) in June anyway.
While I never get comments, I know people see this webjournal. So if you're a visitor to my site, and come across this, COMMENT ALREADY. It's important. If you e-mail me about anything else site-related, I will simply redirect you to this entry. I really, really need the input.
*sigh* Must go to training now. Bleah.
* gafiate: Stands for Getting Away From It All. It means to leave fandom acitivies for a while to concentrate on real life. (Source: Writers University. See, it is a word!)
Keep the Home fires Burning
I know it has been a long time since I either emailed you or anything and given the latest posting in your web journal I can't help be concerned. Maybe if I had been a bit more diligent in my fanfic writing and not gotten stuck on other things(even though university is important) that maybe this period of uncertainty wouldn't have been so soon in coming. Still who knows? Maybe this would have happened one way or the other. It was kinda like what I had predicted when I had suggested that we comiserate on a Gargoyles story that mixed our two universes temporarily. You know the one, it was one of the reasons why I submitted to you the character Sam "Slick" Denaro. I realise that it is mostly my fault that this idea is on its last legs(I still intend to do it eventually but I know that chances are you have decided not to do it) and I apolagize. It is just that University life has been consuming more and more of my life with every advancing year. Hopefully though since this is my last year I will be able to dedicate myself more to my fanfic than I am now. Who knows, Maybe this time next year I'll be ready and willing to work on that crossover with you if you are interested.
Well, gotta go now! C U Later!!
Ryley Breen AKA Shadow Master
PS-If you are looking for something to keep I would suggest you resume and keep writing Gargoyles fanfic. You were one of the best at it!
I'd say go for it.
Date: 2002-02-21 09:21 pm (UTC)When I used to troubleshoot Macs, one of our troubleshooting methods was to go through and figure out which of the forty zillion extensions that got dumped into the system folder could be causing the Mac to go kaplooey. This applies to real life as well. If you need to take a break, then I think anybody mature would understand. Sometimes you have to give something up to understand if it has a place in your life.
Sure, I think most of us reading your journal on the fanfic side would like to see you go on. We wouldn't be here if you didn't produce stuff that we loved. But we'd rather you take a break, leave and re-evaluate life than have writing be an obligation rather than a joy to you. If it isn't fun, it is time to go away. Time to take a break. Do it.
-Selma T McCrory
gafiate
Date: 2002-02-22 04:35 pm (UTC)On the other hand, this is supposed to be fun for you, and if you're not having fun, then you should stop. If you force it, it tends to show up in writing too. I once read a fic by an author who was just trying to finish it, and she said so, and you could tell, and I hate to see stuff like that. Maybe take a hiatus, see if that makes you more excited about it again.
Anyway, it is ultimately up to you and what is most fun for you. People write fanfiction for a reason, and I'm pretty sure that it isn't to make themselves miserable.
Marika
Gafiate
Date: 2002-02-22 07:18 pm (UTC)You're an excellent writer, and I've greatly enjoyed your work. Sometimes, in the yin and yang of our personal universes, we each need to pause and reassess where our interests are directing us, and it sounds like you need to head in another direction for awhile -- even if it is the direction of sitting very still and listening to your heart. Thank you for the pleasure of the stories you've given us. Now it's time to take care of Mandi.
Eva
Giving it all up?
Date: 2002-02-28 10:59 am (UTC)I can understand your dilemma, trust me. The same thing happened to me with Trek fandom, although I never was as active then as you were/are. One day, I realized I'd just lost interest. (Of course, that was pre-internet, so getting fanfic fixes was costing serious money ...)
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, if you truly want out, go. As Selma and Eva said, it's supposed to be FUN, not a chore. (Not that I wouldn't hate to see you leave, but hey -- it's YOUR life, you get to make all the choices.)
On the other hand, what's wrong with taking it easy? Step back on the pressure, work on fanfic or whatever else when you FEEL like it, not because you think you HAVE to.
Most of all, take your time about the decision. Nobody's holding a gun to your head and making you stay or go, do they?
(As for PR, I'm not exactly gaga over PRWF, either. To tell the truth, the ONLY incarnation other than MMPR/Zeo that had me enthusiastic and inspired to creativity was PRTF. The rest ... just didn't. But I'm hanging in there ... the eternal optimist. ;-) Besides, I'd hate to lose contact with all the wonderful people I've met through the fandom.)
Here's hoping you make the right choice for YOURSELF. All the best, whatever that turns out to be!
Dagmar
no subject
Date: 2002-03-07 05:05 pm (UTC):\
well, the gist of it was, do what you have to do, even if it means breaking off from everyhting for a while. Hopefully, you will find that your ideas for fic start coming back on their own, and your interest in it will return. trying to force inspiration doesn't work, and sometimes a good hiatus is what you need.
Only, my first version was worded so much better...
anyway. I still hope to see you in VA this summer.
-Lynati