IMPORTANT! Please read!
Feb. 20th, 2002 07:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mandolinOkay, I have half an hour until the mind-numbing training class from hell, I'm actually awake, so here we go. This is an actual IMPORTANT message, and my site visitors should definitely stop and read it.
Monday night, I was going back through Google Groups (AKA the free newsreader formerly known as DejaNews) looking at archives of Usenet from the fall of '96 and early '97, when I first got on the Internet for real. (My earlier dalliance with AOL doesn't count.) Re-reading my posts, I noticed how often I posted, how insightful my posts seemed, and mainly, how excited I was about the show/fandom I was discussing. I was really having fun. Now, however... I don't know. Whereas I used to update my web site constantly, speculate on forums galore, and devour and write fanfic with lightning speed, I seem to have slowed down. I mean, really - I created this webjournal for the express purpose of making up for the fact that I'm only able to update my site monthly.
Seriously, though... I'm not having fun any more.
I realized that last night when I was uploading the latest part of "Sharp Edges" (yeah, yeah, it's right here) and realized that I wasn't really enjoying the story much. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that this is the most aimless fanfic I've ever written and I've started to think that the pacing could go a LOT faster, but seriously - maybe I need to get out of fandom. Maybe I need to take off the fanfic writer's hat and put it away. Yep, you heard me; I'm seriously considering gafiating.*
But I first decided to bounce this off some friends to get a better idea of whether or not I should bail on fandom for a while. When I announced to my friends on IM that I was considering giving up fanfic, I got a chorus of "NO!" So when I told my roommate, she replied, "If you want to, you should."
Here's the kicker: I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure that fanfic - or fandom in general - is my problem. My lack of a (Real) Life has been more and more apparent in recent months, but part of that's because I'm living in a neighborhood where I really don't know a lot of people and can't seem to meet anyone. I mean, it was easier in college - you wanted to talk to someone, all you had to do was wander down the hall and look for someone who felt like procrastinating. It's not quite the same where I'm living now.
I seem to have lost my niche. I used to post regularly to a certain board or two, enough so that I was part of the community. I haven't done that any more. I post on boards that I've been frequenting for years and still get mistaken as a newbie.
While I don't want to bail from fandom entirely, I can't just focus all my energies on one thing. I've done that - when "Now and Again" aired. Man, I haven't been so hooked on a show since the first season of Lois and Clark, and that show had three seasons to go downhill and make me lose interest. I was still high on N&A when CBS yanked it from the airwaves. I was devastated. I ruined my whole summer campaigning for that show with no results. I refuse to get as hooked on a show or anything like that again. It's not worth it.
But at the same time, I can't delve into too many interests. I mean, really, with all the shows I write fanfic for, it's amazing my head hasn't exploded yet. And some fanfic genres are already dead and gone: I haven't written a good Gargoyles fic since 1998. I'm really considering dropping PR fanfic - I liked Lost Galaxy, Time Force was okay, but Wild Force just made me twitch uncontrollably. I think it's time to put PR fanfic away. And honestly, I haven't watched Stargate since "Wormhole X-Treme" aired (and my mom taped over it). I need to narrow my interests or I'm just going to lose it.
I need to do something. Drop something. I know I can't totally bail; "Sharp Edges" has got to be finished. I've got a commitment to TGS that I can't ignore. And I'm going to the Gathering 2002 (assuming they've received my PAYMENT *grr*) in June anyway.
While I never get comments, I know people see this webjournal. So if you're a visitor to my site, and come across this, COMMENT ALREADY. It's important. If you e-mail me about anything else site-related, I will simply redirect you to this entry. I really, really need the input.
*sigh* Must go to training now. Bleah.
* gafiate: Stands for Getting Away From It All. It means to leave fandom acitivies for a while to concentrate on real life. (Source: Writers University. See, it is a word!)
Monday night, I was going back through Google Groups (AKA the free newsreader formerly known as DejaNews) looking at archives of Usenet from the fall of '96 and early '97, when I first got on the Internet for real. (My earlier dalliance with AOL doesn't count.) Re-reading my posts, I noticed how often I posted, how insightful my posts seemed, and mainly, how excited I was about the show/fandom I was discussing. I was really having fun. Now, however... I don't know. Whereas I used to update my web site constantly, speculate on forums galore, and devour and write fanfic with lightning speed, I seem to have slowed down. I mean, really - I created this webjournal for the express purpose of making up for the fact that I'm only able to update my site monthly.
Seriously, though... I'm not having fun any more.
I realized that last night when I was uploading the latest part of "Sharp Edges" (yeah, yeah, it's right here) and realized that I wasn't really enjoying the story much. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that this is the most aimless fanfic I've ever written and I've started to think that the pacing could go a LOT faster, but seriously - maybe I need to get out of fandom. Maybe I need to take off the fanfic writer's hat and put it away. Yep, you heard me; I'm seriously considering gafiating.*
But I first decided to bounce this off some friends to get a better idea of whether or not I should bail on fandom for a while. When I announced to my friends on IM that I was considering giving up fanfic, I got a chorus of "NO!" So when I told my roommate, she replied, "If you want to, you should."
Here's the kicker: I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure that fanfic - or fandom in general - is my problem. My lack of a (Real) Life has been more and more apparent in recent months, but part of that's because I'm living in a neighborhood where I really don't know a lot of people and can't seem to meet anyone. I mean, it was easier in college - you wanted to talk to someone, all you had to do was wander down the hall and look for someone who felt like procrastinating. It's not quite the same where I'm living now.
I seem to have lost my niche. I used to post regularly to a certain board or two, enough so that I was part of the community. I haven't done that any more. I post on boards that I've been frequenting for years and still get mistaken as a newbie.
While I don't want to bail from fandom entirely, I can't just focus all my energies on one thing. I've done that - when "Now and Again" aired. Man, I haven't been so hooked on a show since the first season of Lois and Clark, and that show had three seasons to go downhill and make me lose interest. I was still high on N&A when CBS yanked it from the airwaves. I was devastated. I ruined my whole summer campaigning for that show with no results. I refuse to get as hooked on a show or anything like that again. It's not worth it.
But at the same time, I can't delve into too many interests. I mean, really, with all the shows I write fanfic for, it's amazing my head hasn't exploded yet. And some fanfic genres are already dead and gone: I haven't written a good Gargoyles fic since 1998. I'm really considering dropping PR fanfic - I liked Lost Galaxy, Time Force was okay, but Wild Force just made me twitch uncontrollably. I think it's time to put PR fanfic away. And honestly, I haven't watched Stargate since "Wormhole X-Treme" aired (and my mom taped over it). I need to narrow my interests or I'm just going to lose it.
I need to do something. Drop something. I know I can't totally bail; "Sharp Edges" has got to be finished. I've got a commitment to TGS that I can't ignore. And I'm going to the Gathering 2002 (assuming they've received my PAYMENT *grr*) in June anyway.
While I never get comments, I know people see this webjournal. So if you're a visitor to my site, and come across this, COMMENT ALREADY. It's important. If you e-mail me about anything else site-related, I will simply redirect you to this entry. I really, really need the input.
*sigh* Must go to training now. Bleah.
* gafiate: Stands for Getting Away From It All. It means to leave fandom acitivies for a while to concentrate on real life. (Source: Writers University. See, it is a word!)
Gafiate
Date: 2002-02-22 07:18 pm (UTC)You're an excellent writer, and I've greatly enjoyed your work. Sometimes, in the yin and yang of our personal universes, we each need to pause and reassess where our interests are directing us, and it sounds like you need to head in another direction for awhile -- even if it is the direction of sitting very still and listening to your heart. Thank you for the pleasure of the stories you've given us. Now it's time to take care of Mandi.
Eva